that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize