Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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