Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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