I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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