did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
