so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
