If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
