I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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