just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
