there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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