the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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