Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
