did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
