I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
