You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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