I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Please, let me fuck your mom
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize