I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
