Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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