so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
