I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
