The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It's blow job season.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize