Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
