i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
