I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
