I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
