can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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