two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
