I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
