I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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