Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
