Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
