i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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