spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
