If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
