I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I need to calm my uterus...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
