i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
