Define "chronic" masturbator.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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