Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize