i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Watching her eat just hurts me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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