i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
third nipple confirmed
Randomize
