flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Still dying that you shit outside
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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