Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
