Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
