The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
