Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
