I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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