Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize