So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
