hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
