Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
