We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
