I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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