I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
