i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
