I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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