Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
