I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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