I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize