you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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