ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
