you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
