on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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