I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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