??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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