Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
