she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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