Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
