The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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