You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
