careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
