Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
