Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
