do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
